


prejudicial

by misura



Category: RocknRolla (2008)
Genre: Homophobic Language, Jealousy, M/M, Yuletide Treat
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-19
Updated: 2014-12-19
Packaged: 2018-03-02 16:59:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,461
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2819549
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/misura/pseuds/misura
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I don't think you should be seeing that guy anymore," One Two said.</p>
            </blockquote>





	prejudicial

**Author's Note:**

  * For [vettel](https://archiveofourown.org/users/vettel/gifts).



"So, anyway," Bob said, while Dolly poured them all another drink and Fred was shuffling the deck for another rousing round of poker or bridge or whatever the fuck they were supposed to be playing tonight - One Two hadn't really been paying attention, "there I was, two seconds away from passing out, and up walks Mumbles, cool as a cucumber, and he tells the man - "

"I don't think you should be seeing that guy anymore," One Two said. "You know the one."

"Who's telling this story, eh?" Bob asked. "You or me?"

"What I told him was that we was waiting for the bus, which was late on account of it being a Sunday," said Mumbles. "Which Mr One Two would know, if he'd bothered to get his head screwed on proper this morning, instead of sideways and upside down."

"Is that so?" One Two asked. "Is that how it is, then?"

"Well, he's right." Bob sipped his drink and smiled at Dolly, who smiled back. "I mean, that _is_ what he told him."

"It just - a lawyer?" One Two sputtered. "A criminal defense lawyer? Someone who spends his time getting murderers and rapists and God knows who else back out there on the streets - is that really the kind of person you want to be associating with?"

"This word of the day calendar thing's really paying off nicely," Mumbles said. "Also, might I note that you are verging perilously close to the hypocritical?"

"We haven't even kissed yet," Bob said. "Well, I mean, a little. Not with tongue or anything."

"Did I ask if there was kissing? I don't think I fucking asked if there was kissing."

Dolly looked slightly disapproving. Fred flipped the top card of the deck - six of spades - and sighed.

"Clearly, this has been preying on Mr One Two's mind for a good long while," Mumbles said.

"He's nice," Bob said defensively. "I mean, not brilliantly funny or anything, but nice. You know?"

"He looked like a perfect poof to me," One Two said, before he could really think about it. "I mean - "

"Perhaps you'd like to rehearse this conversation a few more times?" Mumbles suggested. "Someplace nice and quiet? Or perhaps you could write a letter. Get it all out there."

"What, like a fucking love letter or something?"

Bob's eyes went very wide. One Two decided that on reflection, perhaps Mumbles was on to something with that rehearsal idea of his.

"Now why would you be writing our Bob here a love letter?"

"All I'm saying is ... " One Two's voice trailed off. There _had_ been something he'd intended to say, he was fairly sure. A poignant point.

"Yes?"

"All I'm saying is, you could do better," One Two said. "Like, lightyears better. You want to ... with a man, that's fine by me, but can't you at least find someone who's not some dirty, slimey dirtbag of a lawyer? I mean, fucking hell, Bob. You're my best friend. I just want you to be happy."

"A noble sentiment, if somewhat vulgarly expressed," Mumbles said.

"He showers regularly," Bob said. "Got a nice assortment of soap and body lotions - that sort of thing. I went into his bathroom once, so I saw."

"What the fuck did you have to go into his bathroom for?" One Two asked. " _I_ 've got soap - three kinds, even. Maybe no body lotion - I mean, a man's got to draw a line somewhere, but if that's what you want, I could buy some. It's not like it's expensive or something."

"Now this is getting interesting." Mumbles grinned. "Some peanuts, perhaps?"

"Are you propositioning me?" Bob asked. "Is that what this is?"

"No!" One Two was pretty sure that was definitely not what was going on here. "Definitely not. It's, like, remember when I was dating Georgina Wilson, and you up and told me she was no good for me? That's what this is like. A wake-up call, Bob. Open your eyes and smell the roses, that sort of thing."

Dolly put down a small bowl of peanuts on the table. Mumbles smiled a 'thank you' at her and grabbed a handful.

"I told you she was triple-timing you," Bob said.

One Two beamed at him. "Exactly."

"You called me a fucking liar."

"Oh, now I remember," Mumbles said. "Not a good story."

"And then you proved it to me by seducing her and sending me a picture of you and her," One Two said. "See? As a friend, Bob. No funny business."

"I was naked in the picture. It was a naked picture."

One Two added one and one. "I'm not going to prove to you that your lawyer boyfriend is scum by ... for Christ's sake, Bob. Be reasonable, will you?"

"Some friend you are, then, aren't you? I mean, I did it for you."

"Let's hold that thought for a moment, shall we, fellows?" Mumbles said. Fred resumed shuffling. "Now, Bob, One Two and your lawyer boyfriend - "

"Bertie."

" - Bertie, yes, thank you. Now, I want you to picture them together. Naked. Can you do that for me, Bob? Tell me, how does that make you feel?"

"Are you some kind of fucking shrink now?" One Two demanded.

"I note that you're not protesting the suggestion of Bob here picturing you _sans_ clothes."

"I'm sorry, that's just not working for me," Bob said. "The picture, I mean."

"You've seen me naked plenty of times," One Two said. "What do you mean, it's not working? What, you forgot what I looked like or something?"

"Perhaps Mr One Two would like to describe Bob's ideal boyfriend for us now," Mumbles said.

Dolly hopped on the counter with another bowl of peanuts. Fred sighed and put down his deck of cards to join her.

"How am I supposed to know what his ideal fucking boyfriend looks like?" One Two protested.

Mumbles smiled at him cheerfully. "You seem to have an opinion on the subject. Indulge us."

"It's not about looks," Bob said. "He's got to have a pleasant personality, too."

"A pal," Mumbles said.

"Not lawyer scum," One Two said.

"I mean, looks don't hurt, obviously."

"As you should know, Mr Handsome Bob."

Bob sighed. "I suppose it _might_ be nice to be dating someone who really gets me."

"A touch less homophobia, perhaps," Mumbles said. "A drop more acceptance. A mind that's open for at least a fraction of an inch."

"Hey!" One Two recognized a pointed comment when it was directed at him. "My mind's plenty fucking open. I mean, I'm here, ain't I? Sitting at this table?"

Fred put down his bowl of peanuts. Dolly gave him a pitying look.

"You have much to learn, Mr One Two," Mumbles said. "Let's all hope our Bob here will be a kind and patient teacher, shall we?"

"Wait, what now?"

"So you all think I should stop seeing Bertie, then?" Bob asked. "I mean, all of you?"

"Well, he _is_ a lawyer," Mumbles said. "Useful to know from a professional point of view, maybe, but, well."

"Lawyers." Fred shook his head and picked up his deck of cards again. "Can't trust 'em."

"We've been seeing each other for _three months_ ," Bob said.

"See? See? What kind of lowlife dates someone who looks like you for three fucking months and then doesn't even make it past the kissing stage?" One Two asked, feeling completely vindicated. "I mean, he claims he's a poof, doesn't he? Can't claim he's shy or something."

"Unlike Mr One Two here."

"I ... " Bob shook his head and raised his hands. "Fine. You know what, fine. No more Bertie."

"You won't regret it, Bob," One Two said. "Just you wait. Handsome fellow like you."

"Ugly mug like yours," Mumbles said. "Reckon you'd best take care. Wouldn't want someone stealing him away while you were too busy being shy now, would you?"

"I think you should kiss," Dolly said. "You know, for luck."

"Yeah." Fred rummaged around in his jacket and came up with a slightly battered looking cellphone. "I'll snap a picture for the grandkids. Bet they've never seen a real gay couple before."

One Two opened his mouth and closed it again.

"The question, Mr One Two, is very simple," Mumbles said. "Either you love him, or you don't."

"What about me?" Bob asked. "Don't I get a say, too?"

"Two nights ago, drinks at my place," Mumbles said. "I have the video, should you desire evidence."

Bob looked at One Two.

One Two licked his suddenly too dry lips, noticing the way Bob's eyes _didn't_ follow the movement of his tongue.

"We keep this up for three months, there's fucking well going to be more than kissing happening."

"Yeah," Bob said. "All right. Now come over here, will you?"


End file.
